Hands!

Have you ever stopped to just look at your hands? They reveal a few of our "secrets". Age spots, wrinkles, and occasional crooked fingers tell us we are aging. Wedding bands proclaim our lasting relationships. For me resting hand tremors whisper "you have Parkinson's Disease". Generally I can ignore the annoying shaking but recently I have had to do psycological battle with the reality that these tremors will be my lifelong companions whether or not I have invited them to stay! Like unwanted house guests they have gone from being just annoying, to frustrating, and on to causing me to scream: "How can I get rid of them?" Aside from trying mind altering drugs the tremors are "forever"! OK. Now how to cope with the shaking everytime you rest in front of the TV, or pick up a novel to read, or try to concentrate on a church sermon, or hold hands, or the most difficult-fall asleep at night while the pillow shakes under your head. I have tried sitting on them, crossing my arms, clenching my fists. Nothing stops their relentless shaking. If it is a battle I can't win can I then just learn to survive?

God has been speaking to me through this trial. He wants me to grow in my level of perseverance: "Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trails of many kinds. Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

But He does not just leave me to figure it out on my own. Just the other day during a low period I simply wrote in my prayer journal, "Help me!" He used the kind words of a friend in a wheel chair who struggles with MS to encourage me.. He used my husband's big shoulders to allow me a good cry. He "showed" me how to raise my hands during my prayer time to worship. (It is amazing but the hands don't shake if I raise them high reaching out to God.) Finally, He gently explained that at night when I lay down to sleep concentrate not on the shaking hands but rather concentrate on reciting as many Bible verses as I can and then pray for others. In doing that I have found my body relaxing and I am more able to fall asleep. (The hands stop their tremors when I sleep, thankfully!) 

Now, when I look at my shaking hands I think of God's steady hands. The Bible tells me HIs hands are mighty, all sufficient, protecting and supporting. Above all, I can hold his hand and not fear knowing He will help me!

Isaiah 41:13 "For I am The Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."

P.S. On a lighter side I just love this quote from the mother of a special needs child:

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proclaiming, "Whew, what a ride!"

Photo of the "perfect" caregiver!

During my recovery from knee replacement surgery Hunter has been a model caregiver. Before my surgery we discussed our "roles" and he claimed peanut butter and jelly would be the "special of the day" MOST meals with an occasional boiled hot dog thrown in for variety as he took over the kitchen. The bed would go unmade but he would be around for emotional support. 

In reality I was served meals like the one you see pictured!

He was always available for much needed advice and emotional encouragement, running errands, assisting with changing clothes, around the clock pain med and ice pack "runs", and taxi service to PT and Dr. appointments. 

The kitchen, in fact the entire house, was kept in immaculate condition. He became the ultimate "butler". 

Now that I am mobile I have reclaimed the kitchen but I miss his special "touches". He did enjoy trying his hand at creating with food so now I am finding him more often wanting to try out an "idea". His expertise is the grill but today found him perfecting his noodle making skills.

He will always be the master of CLEAN, thankfully. 

Thank-you, dear, for making my recovery tolerable and continuing to be my God-given helpmate walking through life hand in hand. I couldn't "do it" without you! Love you!

"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!" 

1 Corinthians 13:7-8

Two weeks post-op and I can go around!!

The drugs are finally out of my system, the staples were removed this morning and by afternoon I was on a stationary bike at my fitness club with my leg actually going all the way around! I am giving thanks for small steps forward. For me it has been a tough two weeks. Drug withdrawal, knee pain, insomnia, Parkinson's symptoms exacerbated have all combined to throw me into a state of "suffering" I have never before experienced.

 I must admit God has allowed me to live a fairly sheltered life filled with more than my share of joys and comforts. Until now I have never been able to identify with those with chronic pain and other forms of suffering. I also humbly realize there are those who suffer much worse on a daily basis than I can understand or even imagine. Honestly, I used to think one deserves to feel good all the time or at least most of it. After all, we serve a God who heals-right? 

I am currently reading a book about several generations of women. Throughout the book there is a theme that crops up continually: "Joy and suffering come and go, like the ebb and flow." There is truth in that statement yet as a Christian should joy ever leave us? 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says" Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." How could it be God's will for someone to suffer??

 From Romans 12:12 we read " Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  OK, if I patiently pray and am joyfully hopeful will the suffering stop?

Do these questions ever haunt your midnight waking hours or am I the only one? In pondering these questions and going to God with them I have arrived at, for me, a comfortable or for the lack of a better word, suitable explanation. By substituting happiness for joy the phrase: "Joy and suffering come and go, like the ebb and flow" becomes more real. Sometimes we experience happiness and sometimes suffering but joy is the constant undercurrent that NEVER goes away in a Christian's life. 

Jesus brings that joy even when we are hurting. 

Gloria Gaither put it very well, "God walks with us. He scoops us up in HIs arms or simply sits with us in silent strength until we cannot avoid the awesome recognition that yes, even now, He is here."

I personally experienced this truth and have grown spirtually because I know Jesus is Joy personified and is always there wrapping His arms around my shoulders and lending me that necessary tissue!

Blessings and curses of pain killers!

After having surgery you are sent home with a folder of instructions and definately a prescription or two to fill on your way home or that becomes your spouse's task after you are situated somewhat comfortably in bed or your favorite recliner. For me it was only one script for tramadol, (Ultram), a synthetic narcotic pain reliever.  In the past I have had trouble with narcotics. My stomach does not tolerate meds very well and especially narcotics! Supposedly tramadol was a good alternative, I was told at the hospital. I could use Tylenol in between doses of the prescription. 

For the next three days I felt good and couldn't understand why others complained about knee pain when doing home exercise because I had none. I was even becoming so "cocky" that I contemplated not using a walker. Blessings of narcotics: really does take away the pain!

By Friday afternoon the nausea starts to set in and by mid-day Saturday I am feeling worse than after the surgery. It is time to get off the so called "fake" narcotic but was never told there could be withdrawal symptoms. Guess what? Saturday night and into Sunday morning were hours of nausea and other digestive distresses. It wasn't until mid-day Sunday that my body was able to tolerate food.

Thankfully that was over but without the drug I experienced a new level of pain in the knee! 

Curses of narcotics: poisons the body!

Tomorrow I begin physical therapy and know it will be painful without the prescribed narcotic BUT I will "tough" it out rather than go through the detox again!

Everyone reacts differently to medication but I choose pain over nausea any day!

I am using Romans 12:12 as my verse to meditate on tomorrow:

"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer."

Love this quote by Lloyd John Ogilvie:

"Sometimes The Lord rides out the storm with us and other times He calms the restless sea around us. Most of all, He calms the storm inside us in our deepest inner soul."

I will be praying He calms the restless sea of physical therapy tomorrow!

At home...

During surgery recovery at home there is:

A time to bleed and a time to heal,

A time to rest and a time to exercise,

A time to take meds and a time to "gut it out",

A time to eat and a time to drink,

A time to watch TV and a time to read,

A time to reflect and a time to act,

A time to call friends and a time to sit quietly waiting for the Lord's whisper,

A time to move slowly and a time to pick up the "walker" speed,

A time to be patient and a time to "forge" ahead,

A time to sing hymns and a time to pray,

A time to be awake and a time to nap.

Yes, during recovery there is time for God's plans to "play" out in your life for His glory!

The surgery and hospital stay

"Blessed is the man who trusts in The Lord, and whose hope is The Lord. for he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes, but her leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of the drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit." Jeremiah 17:718

Surgery went well with only a partial knee replacement performed, resulting in a shorter rehab time, hopefully. The doctors, nurses, and other staff at the hospital were not only highly skilled but extremely friendly and helpful. I was blessed as I interacted with them. God spoke through me as I talked about prayer and blessings! He showed me how to trust him more and be less fearful and anxious through this hospital experience. Physical therapy is unpleasant but necessary and I had a brief setback with extra bleeding requiring another stitch but still going home later today.

I know my journey will not always be easy, as I continue PT, but I am encouraged to forge ahead and be amazed at what The Lord is doing all along the way!

He has even brought me a bit of sunshine into my hospital room with flowers from my children-what a special treat!

"'Twas the night before surgery..."

Twas the night before surgery, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;

The suitcase was packed, resting by the front door

Alarm clock was set, shoes and socks on the floor. 

The husband was nestled all snug in his bed,

While visions of scalpels danced in my head;

And papa in boxers and I in my tee,

Had just kissed goodnight; hearing he loved me.

When into my mind arose such a clatter,

An onslaught of fears, could I be sadder?

Away to the Bible I flew like a flash,

Stumbling in darkness as I made a quick dash.

Tumbling into my favorite chair,

Waking my adorable, sleeping bear,

The snoring soon stopped and eyes opened wide,

As I innocently smiled not trying to hide.

He turned slowly over as I reached for “my” book,

Knowing I needed a long, quiet look,

The night lights dimmed as I began to search,

Where do I go? What comes first?

Now Psalms, now Proverbs, now Gospels I read,

On Philippians, on Romans, on Isaiah I feed,

To the end of the chapter, to the end of the verse!

Anxiety still there, but not any worse!

And then in a twinkling I heard from above,

A whisper of comfort, a whisper of love.

His peace surrounded me head to toe.

Jesus was present, this I know!

Words from the pages now becoming most real,

"The Lord goes before you, ready to heal.

Be strong and take courage, do not fear,

Your cries have reached my eternal ear.”

“Your Word is a lamp unto my feet,

A light to my path…oh so sweet!”

The joy of the Lord comforts my mind,

Now I can rest and sleep I’ll soon find.

So I crawled back to bed and enjoyed a brief rest,

Secure in the knowledge that Jesus knows best,

He’ll guide and protect; His plans are just right,

Surgery’s coming but I’m IN His sight!!