The Handicapped Placard

The Handicapped Placard

“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21

On one of my more difficult days I frankly asked Hunter {my sweet husband of 54 years), “ What do you get out of this angst?” He cocked his head looking intently in my face and whispered, “One smile. If I can coax one tiny smile onto your face I am happy and fulfilled.”
And believe me he is generally successful, which is quite the feat considering he is married to a straight laced German whose laugh lines are pretty smooth. Yet his goofy Italian stunts are hard to resist!

Case in point:

Last week I had my yearly doctor exam with my general practitioner. At the close of the visit I requested the necessary paperwork to obtain a handicap placard. Since I do not drive anymore it is probably not necessary because Hunter generally drops me off at the door of wherever I want or need to enter. Yet there have been a few times in gusts of wind or rain downpours it would have been less stressful to simply park close then to attempt a quick jog, which I don’t do well, Hunter will run to the truck and have me wait but I generally don’t wait well, so out in the “gulley-washer” I waddle.
(I also should note that since neither of us appear handicapped, on first glance, Hunter HATES to use the dreaded CARD hanging on the mirror!)

To get back to the story :

After the doctor visit we drove to the BMV, filled out the necessary information, and left with the coveted cardboard handicap placard, which I immediately tucked under the insurance papers in the glove compartment.
A few days later, over the busy Memorial week-end we visited our daughter in Rochester, Minnesota. While there we went grocery shopping at the local Hy-Vee. I pulled the placard out of its resting place, excited to try out this little gem, while Terri began to park the truck. Instead of near the front glass door Hunter directs his daughter to park in the furthest possible parking space in the entire business?? “What are you doing?” I question. He looks at his daughter and laughs,”This is how you use handicapped placards in Minnesota!”

As I smile he reminds me that PwPs are suppose to exercise and this is my exercise today! it is not quite so funny as we wheel a cart full of groceries back to the car when done shopping. To add just a bit more humor to the outing while Terri loads the groceries in the truck Hunter proceeds to gather up all wayward carts in the entire parking lot as though he was an employee wrapping up his daily chores.

Another smile “quest” accomplished!

I share this silly story to encourage each of you , both PwPs (People with Parkinson Disease) and care-givers to smile at least once an hour and laugh at least once a day.
It’s a gift from God.

I recently read in a Parkinson brochure “Laughter provides significant benefits for Parkinson’s disease, aiding in both coping strategies and symptom management. In addition, it helps to manage stress,”

So fellow PwPs lets take in a funny movie or smile at a corny joke, and know we just swallowed some of God’s good medicine!

P.S. Today, before blog publication, we were in Target buying hair product for me when I heard Hunter imitating a male moose as he “hunted” for the can of mousse!
Another day of smiles!!!

“Parkinson Disease is not a linear function?????”

(Part 1)

What?

“What are you talking about dear? “ This statement comes straight from the mouth of my science-loving husband. We were having a discussion concerning my disease or rather to be totally honest I was complaining about the ups and downs of this particular malady. One moment you feel empowered to “take on the world, or rather just to go shopping by yourself without the aid of a cane”. You skip to the first door threshold, freeze and end up on your knees, grabbing for the walker admitting defeat once more. Looking up into the sweet face of my caregiver as he mouths “remember Parkinson Disease is NOT a linear function.”

As best as I can understand a linear function resembles a line which  generally travels straight down a hill in one direction. A non-linear function line is a twisting, pattern-less line. Parkinson Disease would be illustrated as non-linear.

Parkinson Disease is a bully. He does not just gradually slow you down but pushes and shoves you around; one day tripping you so you fall on your face, while the next several days allowing you some feelings of normalcy so you can make a few plans only to laugh out loud as you get stuck in the mud and all those precious plans fly out the window. Parkinson Disease (PD) has no rhyme or reason,; no sympathy or concern. I believe Satan latched onto it when discovered solely to wreck havoc in the body in as many ways and places as humanly possible, It’s a cruel game he plays for his own bizarre entertainment.. like a twisted line!

 

“Parkinson Disease is not a linear function?????”

(Part 2)

OK , so I have to accept the unplanned, deal with the unexplainable, but what can I do to make this more bearable? For several days I have rolled this question around in my head until the lightening bolt strikes and it all sounds easy-make my burden lighter and I might actually float down the curvy road instead of bouncing.surprising Satan along the route. By this I mean take things out of the backpack we all carry on our backs and it will be lighter. So I sit with paper and pencil and list 10 possibilities-different for everybody.

 

1. I can take out plane rides and travel oversea. (seen enough of the world)
2. I can take out my drivers license.(Hunter can do the driving.)
3. I can take out several foods-(like fats, sugar ?, steak).
4. I can take out style in clothes-(no zippers, buttons, tight clothes-all for comfort).
5. I can take out parties-(can’t handle loud noise and lots of motion).
6. I can take out hiking and biking long distances. (A short distance showcases God’s beauty)
7. I can take out most restaurants. (Maybe an ice cream cone now and then).
8. I can take out 8 straight hours of sleep. (2-3 hours then wake briefly for meds)
9. I can take out rolling on the floor with grandchildren (I’ll play with them on the couch)
10. I can take out going to the movies (wait until the show broadcasts on the TV)

It’s a good start and I already feel lighter. I’m reminded of a Bible verse which says: 

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT): "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand…”

I may not get all I want but He provides what I need and gives me peace. As we enter the twilight years isn’t that truly what we crave-peace and a deep relationship with our creator and savior?

Yes-That’s what I need and truly want-peace. Peace to sit and enjoy a sunset, to hear a waterfall, to rock on the porch in my rocking chair, to say thank-you God for this day and what you have planned for me tomorrow, even if it is non-linear! 

Chickens!

My son and his family recently moved to a 4.9 acre piece of property complete with a house and several out buildings. The first out building was just renovated and it houses 12 beautiful birds. These chickens are not your typical dirty white blobs roaming the ground pecking at everything that moves, even barefoot toes. Can you tell I’m not a fan? I was raised on a farm in Iowa and although we did not own these egg laying birds I had friends who did and gathering th eggs was not a coveted chore.
My son’s hens are multicolored each with a name and unique personality. For several weeks they enjoyed the warmth of the laundry room in the house and the daily attention of the grandsons. Moving day came after my son had made them individual egg “birthing” boxes, a special feeder, spots to roost and other tantalizing perks. The grandsons carried them outside to the chicken coop in the plastic box, their original home for several weeks. The container was placed on the floor of the new coop and we expected an immediate escape to the freedom of space and a plethora of interesting areas to nest. Yet they hesitated jumping on the lip of the box then returning backwards to the familiar box. Over and again each exhibited this same behavior. They were afraid of the unknown, not trusting what we were encouraging them to do. Never mind the grandsons had proven trustworthy, always treating them well. As I saw the chickens balancing on the edge I thought of my recent struggle with Parkinson Disease-tremors! I HATE tremors! I can’t fall asleep while my hands are shaking so I take an extra dose of medication and sit up until the tremors subside. In addition I play Christian music and read. I often look to Hunter to have an answer or to my neurologist. They have had the answers to other problems-why not tremors?
The day I watched the chickens tedder-totter on the edge of their box afraid of the unknown I thought of my relationship to God. As the chickens didn’t trust their new home I realized I was not totally trusting God. I was afraid of the unknown-not having a medical idea of how I was going to sleep when the tremors would not stop.So when the night came and the shakes would not stop I cried out “help me God. I don’t have the answer but you do so I’ll lay down and trust you to take over.”And He did! As I quietly talked to Him I fell asleep not aware of the shaking. I’m not saying there is a permanent miracle cure because there is not. I will continue to struggle BUT God was there. He heard my plea, touched my body saying: “I did it now and I‘ll do it again. Just trust me. I know what is best for you!” This is a hard lesson, considering all the problems of this disease. Yet I was encouraged to know I’m not alone at 2:00 am. He’ll answer me as I call out to Him.

“ No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in you.” Psalm 84: 11-12


P.S. The chickens eventually jumped into their luxury apartment and are happy!

Why?

Why don’t the fingers stay in place while I type?

Why can’t I dice the red pepper?

Why can’t I read what the hand wrote?

Why can’t I tie the shoe laces?

Why don’t the lips smile?

Why do I feel like I’m walking through quick sand and slowly sinking?

Why am I restless at 3:00 am walking the hall with the grouchy bear hallucination

Why? Why? Why?

In my head I know the answer but my heart doesn’t want to agree.

Don’t try to pacify me, dear hubby, it is NOT old age! It’s Parkinson’s Disease and-

I HATE IT! 

OK-said it. Feel better. I’ve learned there are times when you must allow the pent up emotions to escape. Let the lion out of the cage and encourage him to roar. Or cry until dry on hubbies shoulder. Then return to what you know to be true:

“We glory in our sufferings which produce perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope. And hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our heart through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

The question is not why but why not? 

PwP "Person with Parkinson" Continues the fight!

 Today I sit in the kitchen staring at a box. The pink letters appear to smirk at me! How did I get to this point in my life? I’m not old enough for this-Depends-really? Chalk it up to one more assault on my body by the local Parkinson dragon. Not just the body but the mind and emotions too! I sent Easter cards to 15 grandchildren and of course got several addresses incorrect! Why do I try? 

I try because I must! I try because I have to keep fighting. I try because I can’t let him win ! When I wet the bed;  when I burn the rice pudding; when I send the wrong e-mail to the wrong person I must NOT give up or give in to frustration or discouragement.  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or panic, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6

This I tell my grandchildren! This I tell myself! There is no mountain too high or valley too low that God abandons me! So as hundreds of little green pills fall off the counter at 3:00 a.m. I turn on the light and say to God (as my blind friend used to say:) “God, you and I can do this together. So lets get started.”

Maybe an update would be helpful. If this is the first time you have read my blogs; I’m a 76 year old “old” lady who has been married almost 55 years to the most amazing care-giver, (more on him later), and we have six wonderful children, one son-in-law, four daughters-in-law, 15+ grandchildren, another one to arrive mid June, and two great-grandchildren! Whew! Our quiver is full to bursting at the seams. We are so blessed! 

With blessings sometimes come curses. On which side of the fence does a 14 year Parkinson Disease diagnosis sit? A blessing or a curse or somewhere in-between.

Not certain how to answer my own question. I pray this will become a bit clearer as I examine it from all angles in writing this blog. 

My dragon friend  has become a larger menace in my day- to-day walk with God. I cling to my husband’s arm while I go over the curb fearful I will trip and fall or I  struggle with the tremors to dig out the correct change at the checkout counter only to drop most everything from my purse on the floor! I could go on and on.

But my purpose now is twofold: convince myself I really DO have a debilitating disease and share my experiences so others who may be either walking a similar road or touching those who do can laugh a little, cry a little, and just say. “Yup, I get it”.

"Blue"

Let me introduce you to "Blue", my new three wheeled adult trike.

I now officially have cannonballed into the pool of "Old People"! Last November I turned 70. At first it was quite difficult to admit I was 70 years old! I didn't feel 70, on the inside anyway. Yet years don't lie so I am having to face and deal with the issues that accompany getting older. You know; wrinkles and thinning hair, sleep interrupted nights, ugly feet, poor digestion necessitating baby food textured meals, familiarity with all bathrooms in a hundred mile radius and on and on it goes. Now just one more common topic-balance problems. With Hunter as the stabilizer I have no biking fears on the tandem. But when I want to sail solo on my two wheeler I am finding myself more and more "kissing" oak trees and coming face to face with gates. In other words I feel stressed swinging my leg over my mountain bike yet I did not want to give up the freedom it allowed. When Hunter and I lived in China many years ago I would see little old Chinese ladies daily riding their three-wheelers and I distinctly remember saying "How cute but you will never get me on one of those." "Eat crow" lady because the day has finally arrived where I must jam my pride in the back pocket and embrace old age and the freedom of independent riding on a three wheeler. Honestly from the first ride I loved it. Often I now pack my basket with garbage bags and make a daily run to the incinerator, or deposit and retrieve mail at our post office. In addition, internet is much better at the Jack Wertzen center so I load up my laptop and head for better and faster internet. Or best of all I put on my apple earplugs, lay my phone in the basket, and just go peddling listening to Christian's music-what a delightful time I have with the Lord. So if you, too, are finding swimming with the old people a bit intimidating may I encourage you to join us because the water is actually warm and wonderful!