Her fingers lightly touch the edges of the calendar on the kitchen island. In former days the empty squares boasted dentist and doctor appointments, dinner invitations, even theater performance dates with an asterisk to show where the tickets were located. Valuable “stuff”. Now they were either empty or they displayed an angry red X, canceled events, more heartache, sadness dripping off the pages. As she makes her way to the padded kitchen stool, preparing for the unwanted guest her hopes are again dashed as a flyer advertising the Mother/Daughter spring banquet falls out of her Bible. Why bother to write it on the calendar and be disappointed once again. Just scribble a red X over the box and leave it at that! So many scars. So many “I don’t feel good. Have to cancel” responses from concerned friends and acquaintances, she’s lost count of the exact number. Focus. Prepare. This is your life. The pinky begins to wiggle involuntarily. He’s coming, quietly sneaking into the kitchen. She glances to the kitchen clock. He’s right on time, laughing, mocking, whispering:
“You didn’t think I’d forget, did you? Did you miss me?”
The tremors begin and intensify as she opens the cabinet containing vials of meds. She knows she should have taken the pills earlier but she just forgot-big mistake. The ugly guest is never late, never easy on her, never kind or gentle. Her hand today is even more wild than normal-resembles a frantic robin stuck in a layer of sticky mud.
So what does she do with this messy reality? She makes her way to the bedroom where there is a tattered lazy boy, her place of respite. Here lowering her tired body into a butter yellow afghan and looking up to the wall, above her black pole lamp to a framed picture given as a gift several years ago. It lists only two words but they foam over with warm comfort: CHOOSE JOY
JOY? Where is the joy in this “picture”?As I ponder that question I’m reminded of Jesus and his view of joy.
Hebrews 12:2.
“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.” Where is the joy for Jesus as he
faces the cross? I don’t have the theological answer to this question except to say, in my heart I know Jesus sees me as his. He is looking through the cross at someone who needs Him and the salvation only he could offer because of what he did at the cross!!
Now he offers me a choice.
Oh the joy of being saved, forgiven and filled with the Spirit! Sometimes we forget the benefits of being saved and lose our joy. Then we must cry out Psalm 51:1 “Restore to me the joy of your salvation.”
As I struggle with Parkinson Disease I reflect on a verse in Nehemiah 8:10 “the joy of the Lord is my strength”. I’m learning that when I am weak He is strong! He looks right into my soul and says,”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in (your) weakness. Therefore I will boast (as Paul did) all the more gladly about my weakness (my disease) so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses (PD), in hardships (tremors), in persecutions (canceled events), in difficulties (medication side effects). For when I am weak, then I am strong!” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
I choose joy!
Therein is my strength!
No comments:
Post a Comment