Chickens!

My son and his family recently moved to a 4.9 acre piece of property complete with a house and several out buildings. The first out building was just renovated and it houses 12 beautiful birds. These chickens are not your typical dirty white blobs roaming the ground pecking at everything that moves, even barefoot toes. Can you tell I’m not a fan? I was raised on a farm in Iowa and although we did not own these egg laying birds I had friends who did and gathering th eggs was not a coveted chore.
My son’s hens are multicolored each with a name and unique personality. For several weeks they enjoyed the warmth of the laundry room in the house and the daily attention of the grandsons. Moving day came after my son had made them individual egg “birthing” boxes, a special feeder, spots to roost and other tantalizing perks. The grandsons carried them outside to the chicken coop in the plastic box, their original home for several weeks. The container was placed on the floor of the new coop and we expected an immediate escape to the freedom of space and a plethora of interesting areas to nest. Yet they hesitated jumping on the lip of the box then returning backwards to the familiar box. Over and again each exhibited this same behavior. They were afraid of the unknown, not trusting what we were encouraging them to do. Never mind the grandsons had proven trustworthy, always treating them well. As I saw the chickens balancing on the edge I thought of my recent struggle with Parkinson Disease-tremors! I HATE tremors! I can’t fall asleep while my hands are shaking so I take an extra dose of medication and sit up until the tremors subside. In addition I play Christian music and read. I often look to Hunter to have an answer or to my neurologist. They have had the answers to other problems-why not tremors?
The day I watched the chickens tedder-totter on the edge of their box afraid of the unknown I thought of my relationship to God. As the chickens didn’t trust their new home I realized I was not totally trusting God. I was afraid of the unknown-not having a medical idea of how I was going to sleep when the tremors would not stop.So when the night came and the shakes would not stop I cried out “help me God. I don’t have the answer but you do so I’ll lay down and trust you to take over.”And He did! As I quietly talked to Him I fell asleep not aware of the shaking. I’m not saying there is a permanent miracle cure because there is not. I will continue to struggle BUT God was there. He heard my plea, touched my body saying: “I did it now and I‘ll do it again. Just trust me. I know what is best for you!” This is a hard lesson, considering all the problems of this disease. Yet I was encouraged to know I’m not alone at 2:00 am. He’ll answer me as I call out to Him.

“ No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in you.” Psalm 84: 11-12


P.S. The chickens eventually jumped into their luxury apartment and are happy!

Why?

Why don’t the fingers stay in place while I type?

Why can’t I dice the red pepper?

Why can’t I read what the hand wrote?

Why can’t I tie the shoe laces?

Why don’t the lips smile?

Why do I feel like I’m walking through quick sand and slowly sinking?

Why am I restless at 3:00 am walking the hall with the grouchy bear hallucination

Why? Why? Why?

In my head I know the answer but my heart doesn’t want to agree.

Don’t try to pacify me, dear hubby, it is NOT old age! It’s Parkinson’s Disease and-

I HATE IT! 

OK-said it. Feel better. I’ve learned there are times when you must allow the pent up emotions to escape. Let the lion out of the cage and encourage him to roar. Or cry until dry on hubbies shoulder. Then return to what you know to be true:

“We glory in our sufferings which produce perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope. And hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our heart through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

The question is not why but why not? 

PwP "Person with Parkinson" Continues the fight!

 Today I sit in the kitchen staring at a box. The pink letters appear to smirk at me! How did I get to this point in my life? I’m not old enough for this-Depends-really? Chalk it up to one more assault on my body by the local Parkinson dragon. Not just the body but the mind and emotions too! I sent Easter cards to 15 grandchildren and of course got several addresses incorrect! Why do I try? 

I try because I must! I try because I have to keep fighting. I try because I can’t let him win ! When I wet the bed;  when I burn the rice pudding; when I send the wrong e-mail to the wrong person I must NOT give up or give in to frustration or discouragement.  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or panic, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6

This I tell my grandchildren! This I tell myself! There is no mountain too high or valley too low that God abandons me! So as hundreds of little green pills fall off the counter at 3:00 a.m. I turn on the light and say to God (as my blind friend used to say:) “God, you and I can do this together. So lets get started.”

Maybe an update would be helpful. If this is the first time you have read my blogs; I’m a 76 year old “old” lady who has been married almost 55 years to the most amazing care-giver, (more on him later), and we have six wonderful children, one son-in-law, four daughters-in-law, 15+ grandchildren, another one to arrive mid June, and two great-grandchildren! Whew! Our quiver is full to bursting at the seams. We are so blessed! 

With blessings sometimes come curses. On which side of the fence does a 14 year Parkinson Disease diagnosis sit? A blessing or a curse or somewhere in-between.

Not certain how to answer my own question. I pray this will become a bit clearer as I examine it from all angles in writing this blog. 

My dragon friend  has become a larger menace in my day- to-day walk with God. I cling to my husband’s arm while I go over the curb fearful I will trip and fall or I  struggle with the tremors to dig out the correct change at the checkout counter only to drop most everything from my purse on the floor! I could go on and on.

But my purpose now is twofold: convince myself I really DO have a debilitating disease and share my experiences so others who may be either walking a similar road or touching those who do can laugh a little, cry a little, and just say. “Yup, I get it”.

"Blue"

Let me introduce you to "Blue", my new three wheeled adult trike.

I now officially have cannonballed into the pool of "Old People"! Last November I turned 70. At first it was quite difficult to admit I was 70 years old! I didn't feel 70, on the inside anyway. Yet years don't lie so I am having to face and deal with the issues that accompany getting older. You know; wrinkles and thinning hair, sleep interrupted nights, ugly feet, poor digestion necessitating baby food textured meals, familiarity with all bathrooms in a hundred mile radius and on and on it goes. Now just one more common topic-balance problems. With Hunter as the stabilizer I have no biking fears on the tandem. But when I want to sail solo on my two wheeler I am finding myself more and more "kissing" oak trees and coming face to face with gates. In other words I feel stressed swinging my leg over my mountain bike yet I did not want to give up the freedom it allowed. When Hunter and I lived in China many years ago I would see little old Chinese ladies daily riding their three-wheelers and I distinctly remember saying "How cute but you will never get me on one of those." "Eat crow" lady because the day has finally arrived where I must jam my pride in the back pocket and embrace old age and the freedom of independent riding on a three wheeler. Honestly from the first ride I loved it. Often I now pack my basket with garbage bags and make a daily run to the incinerator, or deposit and retrieve mail at our post office. In addition, internet is much better at the Jack Wertzen center so I load up my laptop and head for better and faster internet. Or best of all I put on my apple earplugs, lay my phone in the basket, and just go peddling listening to Christian's music-what a delightful time I have with the Lord. So if you, too, are finding swimming with the old people a bit intimidating may I encourage you to join us because the water is actually warm and wonderful!

"I was lost but now I am found!"

"Help! I'm in a dark place! This is not my home. Where am I? The last thing I remember is being held by my "mum" and used to take lovely photos of scenes around a lavender farm. No, no that's not true. Actually I do remember the purchase of some lavender chocolate presumably for my "mum's" hubby. Really? Lavender chocolate? Weird sense of taste I think but back to my predicament. I am a lovely pink cell phone with a cute sparkly popsocket on my back. Normally I am tucked securely in the folds of a small, black backpack except on our trips to Hawaii then I am crushed down under a pill case and a red wallet in a tiny over the shoulder bag. Why my "mum" insists on carrying that ridiculous bag, so uncomfortable for me, I do not know. We will have to have a long conversation about that item since I blame it for my current dreadful situation! As far as I can figure it out my "mum" had to empty that bag in order to get to the wallet to pay for that ridiculous chocolate and in the flurry of leaving the little store she left ME on the counter! She knows how important I am but I guess other things were on her mind-hopefully not that despicable chocolate! As far as I can figure it out I was put into some kind of drawer or cupboard. It is definitely dark here and I feel very alone but I know my "mum" wouldn't abandon me so guess I will rest and pray for rescue in due time."

Meanwhile, discovery of Nancy's lost cellphone while in the TSA line for the return flight to Oahu at 6:00 p.m. causes panic and alarm. Nancy and Rebecca get out of the line and frantically try to mentally retrace the day's events. Car rental, Chef's home for cooking class, visit to a lavender farm, return rental and in line for return flight. A quick run to Avis results in nothing. A call to the chef's home comes up empty-handed. The lavender farm is closed by this time of night so what next? A call to hubby who quickly begins problem solving asking for Nancy's password to activate the iPhone tracking system. Unfortunately all Nancy's passwords are secure on her cellphone! To top that off her memory of numbers is suddenly gone in the tension of the moment! Leave it to her tech hubby who manages to bypass whatever? and get access to the tracking system. The "Find my iPhone app" locates the cell phone on the lavender farm. Hallelujah! Unfortunately we can't even notify them because they are closed so Nancy and Rebecca return to Oahu and await the morning to call. 9:00 a.m. sharp Rebecca calls and the store manager confirms the location of the pink cell phone and promises to put it in the mail on Saturday stating it will most definitely be at Rebecca's house by Monday or Tuesday at the latest. Nancy returns to the states Tuesday night so is excited she will have her phone back in time. WAIT! Isn't Monday a holiday? Of course it is and that will delay delivery by a day. Therefore Nancy board's the plane WITHOUT the phone! Yet Hunter is faithfully tracking the phone, "pinging" its location, and it has not even left the farm! The "Find My Phone" app can bring joy or discouragement. The latter occupies Nancy's thoughts!

(Back at the farm)
"I'm out of the drawer soaking in the sunlight but a bit confused as my "mum" is no where in sight. I am being wrapped in bubblewrap and stuffed in a box so obviously I will soon be on the move!
Now I am being jostled around in a larger box, bumping down a road, I think. I am thankful for the change but still apprehensive about my destination.
Several hours later I find myself on top of a mountain of other boxes waiting and waiting for who knows what?

Nancy and Hunter arrive back in Florida after a day's flight only to discover, via the app, that the cell phone have not left Honolulu! Nancy is learning it is out of her hands so stop worrying and rest in the fact that eventually it will be returned. But being "cellphone less"is not easy in this texting world!
Tracking the phone continues for 5 more days! Mail can be slow, for sure, but finally we see the infamous "out for delivery" words and rejoice in it's arrival 10 days after it was discovered lost!

"Yes, the rescue, after days of sea travel, was sweet as I was undressed of bubblewrap, plugged into an outlet and came alive to hear ding, ding, ding, ding of  90+messages flooding my screen. Oh the joy of communication and once again being "on line"!

Although this is just a goofy little story I see how it could be applied spiritually. We often are lost, in dark places in our lives. It can be frightening but God is "on it" tracking our every move. He promises never to leave us. Psalm 139:7-15
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

"I wanted a tumor."

As an amateur writer I never thought I would pen the following words: "I wanted a tumor". It's strange how our situations in life ebb and flow so that in a certain arena what we think we never wanted is exactly what we want. But let me back up a bit to lay the ground work for this desire.

As most of you know I struggle with Parkinson's disease. It comes with a package of motor and non-motor symptoms seemingly unique in their combinations affecting each individual differently. Some of them are so incredibly irritating that one would sacrifice much to see them disappear in smoke!!

I also have a "full blown" case of osteoporosis. Since Parkinsons gradually wears away one's balance I thought it prudent to visit an internist who specializes in bone strength to discuss my options. Prior to my visit I had blood work done and when I went into her office I was fully expecting a "lecture" and a list of osteoporosis meds I must choose from to proceed further. Instead she looked at me and said she thought I had another disease call Hyperparathyroidism, where tumors grow on the parathyroid gland causing symptoms which mimic many of those of Parkinson's disease. Treatment? Simple, a 15 minute surgery to remove the gland with the tumor and within a few weeks feeling much improved with more energy and better health. That was an exciting revelation for me. A possible cause for many of my "irritating" symptoms? A "cure" for what I thought was incurable??
OK, how do I sign up for this ride? Surgeon get your scalpel and do your job! Make me better!

Next step-further blood tests to definitively diagnose the problem then on to Tampa, Florida where there is a Parathyroid clinic that specializes in this quick and seemly painless surgery. Great! No problem as mentally I was already packing my bags.

The 2nd set of blood tests returned to the office and on my next visit I found a confused doctor. Test results showed mixed results she did not predict so suggested another blood test in three weeks with a return to discuss this with her in four weeks. In a holding pattern here.

Waiting is a challenge for most of us. One of the Bible verses I have memorized is Psalm 27:14- "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." OK, I can do that because I was sure the next blood work would prove I indeed had this disease and curing it was going to open new doors of ministry for me as I regained my strength and energy and symptoms went away. I was "Rejoicing in hope, (trying to be) patient in tribulation, and faithfully in prayer." Romans 12:12

Office visit three brought disappointment as the results came back basically in the upper normal range for calcium levels in the bone-translation-no hyperparathyroidism-back to the daily battles of an incurable, progressive disease. Basically, if I am honest with myself, I saw this as an "out of jail" free ticket, the jail being Parkinson's disease! Not in the cards or rather not in God's plan for me.

I am only human and disappointment set in. I know in my head God never fails and his ways are always perfect but I felt like the psalmist who penned: "Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?" I was indeed "cast down"! I hate this disease and coping with it every day for the rest of my life seems like a "death" sentence. But wait a minute don't we all have a "death" sentence? The causes are varied but the human race can't avoid the final outcome. OK-how did the psalmist deal with his issues?

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?
Why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
for the help of His countenance."

God is my help and when He says No there is a reason. I just have to trust in His guidance and remember the Bible verse that is my verse for this year: "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."
There is a song that now resonates in my head: "Even If" by MercyMe
Here are a few of the lyrics:

"It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul"

So I will choose to say-It is WELL with my soul!

Joy of Communion

I love the definition of communion: the sharing and exchanging of intimate thoughts, especially as it relates to spirituality. In church this week Hunter and I participated in a communion service. We had a time of corporate confession followed by a time of private introspection and confession of sins to God. Following this we formed lines to partake of the bread and juice or wine as a choice. The background music was Amazing Grace and filled the building with a sweet "fragrance" of music in worship to God. Several shed tears of sorrow mixed with joy as we all were directed to remember what Jesus suffered for each of us.
The communion service, a sacrament celebrated by some weekly and others monthly, is a special time in the body of believers to turn our hearts to our savior, Jesus. I am eternally thankful that He initiated this observance-what we call The Lord's Supper.
I pray each of you take the opportunity to share in a Lord's Supper at your place of worship and teach your children it's value and beauty in the Christian faith!